I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
