I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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