I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
