When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
