if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
