a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
