I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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