i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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