Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Randomize
