I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
