found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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