I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
