his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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