Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Congratulations! We have a period
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
