am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
