overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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