Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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