he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
