oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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