She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
