I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
