I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
