so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
