Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
