Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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