hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My feet surprised me
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