Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
