I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
