We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
