So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
