God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
