We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
