I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
