Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so let's talk penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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