I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
