I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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