Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
