so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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