I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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