If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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