I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
