I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
