you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
