I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i came on her dog
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
