Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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