Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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