We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
