I must be too annoying 4 u.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
