How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize