why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
