How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
