am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
