if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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