dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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