Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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