The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
