I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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