I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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