The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
