Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
