Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize