I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
