Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
