I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
