Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His nipple licking is glorious
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