Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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