By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I bet he comes in French.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
