just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
